It started snowing on Elise's way to work this morning, and has been continuing on and off all day. Huge snowflakes cover everything, transforming the landscape to something foreign and alien.
There's a lovely steep hill right outside of Elise's office window, and she's been watching kids try to slide down on cardboard all morning, usually ending up skidding down the hill on their faces. Oh, to be a high school boy, who's only goal in life is to impress girls by barely escaping serious bodily harm.
Thursday, March 09, 2006
stress
The moving situation is becoming awkward again. The two girls 'Elise was living with have already found a two-bedroom to move into, and will be surrendering the current apartment at the end of the month. The three VISTAs living with M, the house 'Elise hopes to move into, are embroiled in an emotional battle over whether they are obligated to pay a full month’s rent if they are moving out mid-month, and whether they are obligated to M at all, since they never signed any form of contract. Tears have been shed, relationships heavily strained, and by-standers have been randomly dragged into the fray.
'Elise can’t help but identify more with M. Her understanding is that M wanted to go beyond the professionalism of a renter/tenant relationship and actually be friends with K, J and P, and that the “neat-freak” tendencies of the K and J could not be compromised with M's more laid back approach. Working in the same office with K, 'Elise really understands how K's constant complaining about the organization of the bookshelves and the piles of paperwork on 'Elise’s desk show that K is rigidly inflexible about certain things. In other words, 'Elise thinks K complains too much.
'Elise worries that the messy circumstances created by the three VISTAs moving out will transfer to her as she moves in. Will M feel so upset and betrayed that she raises the rent, or refuses to rent to VISTAs anymore? Will she harbor resentment against 'Elise for the rest of the year? Is there a deeper legal undertone to this whole situation; one involving Tenant/Landlord law and verbal contracts? Will 'Elise still have a roof over her head next month, one that won’t force her into bankruptcy? And can she have a cat?
'Elise can’t help but identify more with M. Her understanding is that M wanted to go beyond the professionalism of a renter/tenant relationship and actually be friends with K, J and P, and that the “neat-freak” tendencies of the K and J could not be compromised with M's more laid back approach. Working in the same office with K, 'Elise really understands how K's constant complaining about the organization of the bookshelves and the piles of paperwork on 'Elise’s desk show that K is rigidly inflexible about certain things. In other words, 'Elise thinks K complains too much.
'Elise worries that the messy circumstances created by the three VISTAs moving out will transfer to her as she moves in. Will M feel so upset and betrayed that she raises the rent, or refuses to rent to VISTAs anymore? Will she harbor resentment against 'Elise for the rest of the year? Is there a deeper legal undertone to this whole situation; one involving Tenant/Landlord law and verbal contracts? Will 'Elise still have a roof over her head next month, one that won’t force her into bankruptcy? And can she have a cat?
Things wrong with the apartment
The Neil Company are slum lords.
- Even after the previous VISTAs living in the Fromdahl house complained about the leaky roof, and were assured it would be fixed (a) sometime during the summer, and later (b) before the new VISTAs moved in in August, nothing was done with the roof until late November, after mentions of legal action and not paying the rent until it was fixed. When asked why they took so long, the representation said, “We thought it had already been fixed.” Even though roofers were seen working on re-shingling, over Christmas break, the garage flooded, and ruined several pieces of furniture and luggage being stored.
- The sink in the Goedeck apartment became clogged on a Wednesday, and after buying Drano to try to fix the problem, E called the rental company on Thursday morning to ask them to fix the sink. Friday afternoon, we called again, and again on Saturday morning. On Tuesday, S's supervisor called Cathy Hummel, the owner of the Neil Co., to remind them that we were not able to use our sink, and consequently, our dishwasher, and that we were washing dishes in the bathtub when absolutely necessary, and stacking them up otherwise. Thursday afternoon, the sink was fixed when I came home.
- The Goedeck apartment constantly smells like cigarette smoke, though none of the girls smoke. They are pretty sure it is either the upstairs neighbors or the downstairs ones, and the smoke is seeping through a vent somewhere. They try to ignore the cigarette burns all over an apartment they were told when they moved in was 100% smoke free. Constant complaints to Neil Co. have been ignored, though 'Elise remembers how at the Fromdahl house, whenever the neighbors complained about the state of the yard, and the girls would receive notices warning them immediately.
We feel unsafe.
- Merely walking from the unlighted parking lot to our door at night is a harrowing experience.
- The upstairs neighbors are constantly screaming and threatening to beat the crap out of each other and their kids. The police have been called twice, Child Services once, and the Neil Co. repeatedly, but the girls are still constantly woken up in the morning and kept up at night by any number of things
1. Children screaming and running from one side of the apartment to the other
2. Heavy objects being dropped on the ground
3. Children screaming and crying hysterically while adults tell them to “shut the fuck up”
4. Loud sex
5. Loud throwing up
- Since the police have been called, we live in constant fear the upstairs neighbors will find out we were the ones who called, and try to retaliate, either by destroying our property, or killing us.
Sunday, March 05, 2006
over-analysis
She’s been excluded from events at this house before, so it’s awkward enough attending the party, but now here she is, forced to be social amongst her peers. Last night she went to a bar with her roommates, and spent most of the evening people watching, as her roommates flirted with the cute guys seated at the bar. At times, she though she would be brave enough to approach people; one of the boys was listening to bluegrass on an iPod, and she was interested enough to wonder what band, but really, boys are still complete mysteries to her. So she sat at the bar and stared at the TV screen, pretending it wasn’t a big deal that she wasn’t with someone, but internally, wishing someone would talk to her.
Tonight, she’s more interested in the cats, which make brief cameos before darting away to the safety of the bedrooms, angry at the intrusion of ten new people into their home. She’s heard stories about cats getting so upset with their owners that they retaliated by throwing up; cats can be spiteful, and demonstrate this spectacularly and impulsively, but at the end of the day, they still love you. Cats don’t get angry with you if you say the wrong thing; they don’t judge you and they don’t hold grudges. 'Elise tries to be very conscious of what she says, and think about the jokes and wry observations that pop into her head before blurting them out. Is this why she hates going out? Because the strain of over-analyzing and second guessing everything she wants to say just makes it to much of a chore to interact with people? Maybe she should get a cat.
Tonight, she’s more interested in the cats, which make brief cameos before darting away to the safety of the bedrooms, angry at the intrusion of ten new people into their home. She’s heard stories about cats getting so upset with their owners that they retaliated by throwing up; cats can be spiteful, and demonstrate this spectacularly and impulsively, but at the end of the day, they still love you. Cats don’t get angry with you if you say the wrong thing; they don’t judge you and they don’t hold grudges. 'Elise tries to be very conscious of what she says, and think about the jokes and wry observations that pop into her head before blurting them out. Is this why she hates going out? Because the strain of over-analyzing and second guessing everything she wants to say just makes it to much of a chore to interact with people? Maybe she should get a cat.
is this pretension?
Clerks is on TV. It’s one of those movies 'Elise loves to watch multiple times, not only to refine her internal understanding of, but to be able to drop quotes at random parties, the better to show her Indie street cred.
She is addicted to commentary tracks on DVDs. Listening to the stories that the director and actors tell about a particularly bad day of filming, the inspiration behind a particular scene, the camaraderie that developed over the course of the project; it all lends a new dimension to the movie. It’s similar to how, back in high school, 'Elise would read books and then find the Cliff’s Notes for the work of literature, just to find out more about the back story; her mother suggested this obsession was because she was too lazy to come up with analysis of her own. But 'Elise loves to hear about the internal process of the writer as he comes up with the story, to feel a like she is present for the literary process. She loves to hear her own theories validated, or else to be presented with a new scenario she had not thought of. 'Elise seeks out entertainment with layers hidden within layers, onion stories for the onion girl.
She is addicted to commentary tracks on DVDs. Listening to the stories that the director and actors tell about a particularly bad day of filming, the inspiration behind a particular scene, the camaraderie that developed over the course of the project; it all lends a new dimension to the movie. It’s similar to how, back in high school, 'Elise would read books and then find the Cliff’s Notes for the work of literature, just to find out more about the back story; her mother suggested this obsession was because she was too lazy to come up with analysis of her own. But 'Elise loves to hear about the internal process of the writer as he comes up with the story, to feel a like she is present for the literary process. She loves to hear her own theories validated, or else to be presented with a new scenario she had not thought of. 'Elise seeks out entertainment with layers hidden within layers, onion stories for the onion girl.
when I am king, you will be first against the wall.
'Elise used to live in a house with four other girls. One of her roommates, J, met a guy a few weeks before Halloween, and moved out at the beginning of November, convinced she had found true love. Another roommate, H, made friends with local boys and spent most of her evenings “out”. 'Elise never understood how H could go to bars every night, yet still show up for work every morning. The other two roommates, C and E, did not get along with 'Elise at all. By December, the housing situation was beyond fixing, and the girls decided it was time to move out.
Saturday, March 04, 2006
snippet
The therapist asked, "Are you in a relationship right now?"
"No."
The woman looked up, "Have you ever been in a relationship?"
The girl smiled wryly. "Yeah..."
She wondered what would have happened if she had said no. She wondered if she looked like the kind of person who had never been in a relationship, never been deemed attractive or desirable enough to the opposite sex.
"No."
The woman looked up, "Have you ever been in a relationship?"
The girl smiled wryly. "Yeah..."
She wondered what would have happened if she had said no. She wondered if she looked like the kind of person who had never been in a relationship, never been deemed attractive or desirable enough to the opposite sex.
Loss
Her habit was always to check her computer whenever she came back to the apartment. Walk into the room, carefully stepping around the piles of clothes and yarn, and brush her fingers across the touch pad to activate the hibernating machine. Today, a messenger window blinked on the screen, a message from the boy she'd crushed on so desperately at one time. "she felt something when she kissed me, and that was rare". It created one of those pangs, somewhere internal, that seem to intensify feelings of longing and loss.
She met him on an online RPG. She was ashamed to admit it. She flirted shamelessly at first, intoxicated with the feeling of power when he told her that, if they didn't live on other sides of the country, he would haunt her doorstep. She was always too proud or too scared to validate his feelings, and eventually, their strong personalities clashed, and they stopped speaking. When she reinitiated contact a few years later, he was in love with someone else. She has his phone number programmed into her cell phone, and she tells herself that someday she will call it.
She met him on an online RPG. She was ashamed to admit it. She flirted shamelessly at first, intoxicated with the feeling of power when he told her that, if they didn't live on other sides of the country, he would haunt her doorstep. She was always too proud or too scared to validate his feelings, and eventually, their strong personalities clashed, and they stopped speaking. When she reinitiated contact a few years later, he was in love with someone else. She has his phone number programmed into her cell phone, and she tells herself that someday she will call it.
scene
She put on her sunglasses, rumpled her hair, and climbed in the Bronco. “I am a rock star!” she told herself. Driving down the road, she became lost in her own thoughts, and realized two stop lights after her turn that she was heading toward work, and not Fred Meyer. “No problem”. The Magnetic Fields began to play on her mp3 player, and she turned it up and rolled down her window as she turned onto the interstate. Someone would hear it, recognize the song, and realize how cool she really was. Pulling into the parking lot of Freddy’s, the straps on her tank top began to slip down her shoulders, exposing more cleavage than she was comfortable with. Undaunted, she pulled the straps back up, adjusting herself in the driver’s seat of her bronco while surreptitiously glancing around to make sure no one noticed, and strutted into the store.
Her self-confidence started to falter as she glanced around the building, noticing the large number of strangers, any one of them about to look up and notice the fat girl with pretensions of style. Outwardly, she grabbed a cart and stalked up and down the aisles, mentally repeating her shopping list to herself while trying to maintain an aura of courage and charisma. “I am a pretty girl. Sure, I can do better, but everyone has flaws. I look better than most of the people in the store, and I have many more talents that make me special.” Heading to the check-out lane, she re-mussed her hair, straightened her back and regained her strut.
Shopping trip accomplished, she headed home in much the same style as before; windows down to muss her already wind-swept hair, and to make sure everyone nearby knew that this was a girl who’s musical tastes were unparalleled. Her attitudes remained high until she returned to her apartment, to realize that no one was waiting to admire how cute she looked today.
Her self-confidence started to falter as she glanced around the building, noticing the large number of strangers, any one of them about to look up and notice the fat girl with pretensions of style. Outwardly, she grabbed a cart and stalked up and down the aisles, mentally repeating her shopping list to herself while trying to maintain an aura of courage and charisma. “I am a pretty girl. Sure, I can do better, but everyone has flaws. I look better than most of the people in the store, and I have many more talents that make me special.” Heading to the check-out lane, she re-mussed her hair, straightened her back and regained her strut.
Shopping trip accomplished, she headed home in much the same style as before; windows down to muss her already wind-swept hair, and to make sure everyone nearby knew that this was a girl who’s musical tastes were unparalleled. Her attitudes remained high until she returned to her apartment, to realize that no one was waiting to admire how cute she looked today.
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